Journey Blog

I woke up this moring asking myself why it is so difficult for me to trust God.

Its a battle I seem to fight over and over.

I don't want to worry about what I will say or do in any situation. If my needs for tomorrow will be provided for or even why I don't have all that I desire for today. And it isn't as if I don't trust God to always do what is best for His overall plan. Or even best for me in that plan. The problem is that experience has shown me that sometimes I need to walk through trouble in order for the plan, and my part in the plan, to come to fruition.

I know that I have been shaped and formed by both the great and wonderous things AND by the difficult and distressing things. Probably more by the difficult and distressing ones, since they tend to labor in my mind more. Even with that, so far, the end result hasn't been all that bad. God has provided for, kept and nutured me. Kept me from detrimental harm and placed me in a time and place where life, in general, is pretty plush. So, why does my mind fuss?

I've come to the conclusion that it isn't so much that I don't trust God to provide for me. The problem is that I'm still insisten on imposing MY will on HIM.

I have faith that God will work His will and His blessings for all who put thier trust in Him. The truth is, I'm not always sure what I think He has on the horizon for me is what I want. That's a difficult statement to make out here where all the world can see it. It seems a bit disrespectful. But, I can't see His path! I know what I think I see coming and if there is struggle....